How We Work with What's Happening Not What "Should" be Happening

One of the quiet ways people struggle is through the word should.

I should be over this by now.
I should be further along.
I should not still feel this way.
Other people had it worse.
I know better than this.
I do not know how to get past this.

These thoughts do not usually come from judgment alone. They often come from exhaustion. From trying to heal the right way. From wanting relief and not knowing why it is not arriving.

When healing is approached through what should be happening, something important gets missed. The system begins to argue with its own experience. Instead of listening to what is present, it tries to override it.

This work takes a different stance.

What “Should” Does to The System

Working from “should” creates pressure. It turns healing into performance. It subtly tells parts of you that what they are experiencing is inconvenient, wrong, or behind schedule.

When this happens, protection does not soften. It tightens.

Emotions get managed instead of met. Reactions get analyzed instead of understood. Coping replaces connection. Even insight can become another way to stay distant from what needs attention.

None of this means you are doing healing wrong. It usually means your system is trying to survive an internal standard it never agreed to.

Working with What is Instead of Arguing with It

In this work, we start with what is happening now.

Not what should be happening.
Not what you think you should feel.
Not what you believe you are supposed to have resolved.

We slow down and name what is present without trying to fix it.

What are you feeling right now.
What shows up when you talk about this.
What shifts in your body.
What part of you is speaking.
What response happens automatically.

This is not passive. It is precise.

I work as a Gestalt Coach, sometimes described as a life coach on steroids. My work is grounded in Gestalt principles, which emphasize present moment awareness and lived experience.

Rather than pushing past what is happening, we stay with it long enough to understand it.

Resistance as Intelligence

Resistance is not something to overcome here.

Resistance is protection.
Resistance is information.
Resistance is timing.
Resistance is often a younger part of you doing exactly what it learned to do to stay safe.

When someone says, I do not know how to get past this, we do not push forward. We get curious.

What is holding the line.
What feels unsafe about moving.
What part of you learned that staying where you are made sense.

This reframes resistance from a problem into a doorway.

Meeting Younger Parts in The Present Moment

Younger parts of you do not live in the past. They show up now.

They appear in reactions.
In shutdown.
In urgency.
In self-criticism.
In the impulse to override yourself.

In this work, we witness and acknowledge these parts as they show up in the present moment. We approach them with compassion rather than correction.

We also look at events. What happened matters. We explore experiences not to relive them, but to understand what was missed or what needs were not met at the time.

Was there safety missing.
Was there reassurance that never came.
Was there protection that did not arrive.
Was there permission to feel or speak that was not available.

Identifying unmet needs is essential. But the work does not stop there.

We engage with these younger parts from the present. We offer compassion. We provide the missing needs in ways the system can receive now. This builds connection and trust where there was once automatic response.

This is how change happens without forcing it.

Why This Feels Different

Many people are used to being told what should be happening, even gently. Progress timelines. Expectations of insight equaling change. Subtle pressure to regulate or cope correctly.

Often this pressure comes not from a therapist or coach, but from the client’s own internalized expectations.

This work removes that pressure.

Your pace is respected.
Your responses make sense.
Your system is listened to rather than managed.

Healing is not linear. Presence creates safety. Safety allows movement.

What Becomes Possible

When you stop arguing with your experience, something softens.

When what is happening is allowed to exist, awareness deepens.
When younger parts are met rather than overridden, trust builds.
When pressure drops, choice returns.

By the end of this work, many people realize something important.

Their pace makes sense.
Healing does not require forcing themselves.

Before any commitment is made, I offer a complimentary thirty-minute Journey to Healing appointment. This is not a coaching session. It is a space to ask questions, understand how I work, and see if this approach feels supportive for you.

If reading this felt grounding, relieving, or like permission to stop fighting yourself, that matters.

You can schedule your complimentary Journey to Healing appointment when you are ready.